Love vs. Lust: a discussion

I've had many a conversation of late on love and lust and the likes; so , as my over analytical self usually does I spend time grappling, even long after the dialog, to come to my own sorted out conclusions or lack of conclusions. This post is a mixture of both open ends and some definitive views. I hope it tickles your thinker just a bit:  

It's funny to me that someone can say I love you to a friend, I love you to a lover, and I love you in the same breath to their burrito. I for one am definitely an over user of the word love.  Lol.  I LOVE THE MOVIE IS SAW LAST NIGHT etc. I use the word love to talk about anything I'm passionate about or anyone I would lay down my life for like a friend or one day *crosses her fingers* a significant other.

Some people would say this is a gross overuse of the word and we should be so much more careful with the word love. I say it's actually due to the inadequacies of the English language to further elaborate on the types of love. Hebrew and Greek for instance has various words, which within them selves specify what type of love they are implying.  i.e.  in Hebrew you have ahab (spontaneous, impulsive love), raham(to have compassion, brotherly love), and hesed(deliberate choice of affection and kindness). While in Greek you have eros(sensual, sexual, impulsive), philia(friend spouse children), and agape(love of God).  In the English language we have the one word LOVE and then it's up to us whether or not to clarify why we used it with contextual clues. I think who we use it towards or what in some ways sorts it out but sometimes this simply is not the case as much as we want it to be and a cloud of confusions settles around us as a result.

Now, on to “the question,” what is love (defined)?

Really, love is many things, as shown above. The question I would pose back to this question would be what type of love are you referring to. The obvious answer would be romantic love. It's that love we all hope for in our hearts. The love where "you complete me (jerry McGuire)" comes to life and we feel our world is now made whole with their presence. Even the bitter cynic who says they want nothing to do with this, it's all an illusion, lies. They were probably just hurt one so many times in their past attempting to give and receive this type of love that they found themselves hardened to the concept by scars that have entrenched their soul.

Now, as big of a romantic as I am despite the many things I’ve experienced in my life, my answer for what is love is less than the mystical thing we make it out to be sometimes. While I believe in physical attraction, and even hope than when I finally meet that guy that I spend the rest of my life with I can say "I just knew deep down in my soul you were the one for me," love... real love... is effort. It's a choice to hang in there. It's not the magic wedding day we build up to. It's not how he made us feel when he gave us flowers or she made us feel when she wrapped her arm around us (for the guys). It's effort, it's time. People are constantly in the progress of growing and changing. No matter who you are, where your from, or how much you think you know you now,  in each moment of each day we are here pieces of us die and pieces of us are born. Each day you become a new you. There is a core that remains in tact but overall change is unavoidable in life, therefore true love must be  a progressive work as well in order to endure.   

The trick isn't just to find someone you have everything in common with or was born in the same world as you, how limiting would that be to your experiences in life?  It’s also not finding someone who likes a moment or night out with you or someone you find incredibly hot in the sack, its finding someone you know you can grow and change with, someone you can experience life with at every curve and flip and who is willing to take that journey with you no matter what. We all have our ups and downs as we press on. That is the person you want by your side.

So many marriages fail today because people don't realize that high they experienced a month or a year ago isn't the reality of every waking moment. Sometimes you will argue with the one you love. It's necessary for both of you to keep each other in check and to grow. Love isn't that person who never dares to have a conflicting viewpoint, it's  that someone who when they do have it can love you anyways and whose heart always beats for your betterment and vise versa.

True love always hopes, true love never keeps a record of wrongs, true love is not envious, does not boast, true love as in the type one would find in God's word (1cor 13) is amazing not only because it meets some idealic seeming standard but because it is a love that enables motion and is not self seeking but rather light handed and ever strengthening the other who is being loved. If both people in a relationship can grasp this there is no limit to how amazing their life even in the midst of the mundane can be. Sometimes it's the little moments in life, the silent times not demanding of huge effort that penetrate the soul in ways we didn't know it could be.

In the cheesy words of dc talk "Love is a verb" ... I can't see it any other way.

Lust, tries to persuade us though, to listen to her as though she is love. We think because of a physical connection we have with someone “it must be love”.   We have this idea  that physical attraction is THE key factor to love and we must be able to feel as though they will be able to meet every one of our selfish sexual needs (which they never will... law of diminishing returns) in order for it to be love, and it’s  a sad stat of affairs.  The fact is, while physical attraction is important on some level it should never be the foundation upon which everything is built, and then we up the ante further by equating love now not only with the above but also with someone’s ability to give us a great orgasm or make us feel like we are 10x hotter than we thought we were when we looked in the mirror that morning because they are by our side. This, my friend, is not love.

Eventually your sex drive will fizzle and your appendages grow weak. Eventually you will wither and die and long before that point if you don't go out due to heart failure having sex you will no longer be able to have it as you one did. One would hope this is nowhere in the near future and not where you spend most of your life but it's a fact inescapable. Lust is not love and all who take her hand as such will one day be disappointed greatly.

You're ability to be able to feel the chemical rush that leaves you high and feeling some innate connection after a sexual act is not the real act of LOVING SOMEONE or BEING LOVED. It can be a way of expressing love but it is not the real thing in itself.   It's a high that leaves you incomplete lacking and coming back for more and more and more and more to relive that moment but that moment is not the definition of love or your connection with that person in life outside of the bedroom. It is a fractured concept. This may be why aside from financial issues one of the number one thing married people argue about that leads do divorce is sexual appetites.

I also think this is why (side note) so many people entrench their identity so deeply within whatever gender they choose to be physically active with in the bedroom. The truth is it leaves the gay, straight, and lesbian just as lacking as one the other at the end of the day though because again lust is not where we find ourselves fulfilled in true to the depths of who we are. God has so much more for the children he loves so dearly. Don't get me wrong... SEX IS AMAZING :), but It shouldn't be the definitive aspect of everything else around us. And, call me old fashioned but I believe that we should reserve it for our partner for life. Sex can be a unifying force. It can be something helpful in a relationship that strengthens two peoples bonds and is just plain fun to have, but it should not be the pivot on which everything else is found.

There is definitely a difference between love and lust. Love is not all-illusive and mystical force as we make it seem’ however, on an up note to this seeming bubble buster of a view, I truly am a romantic who believes it is as wonderful as the illusive mystical force we create in our minds. Imagine finding something once put out there as so intangible now tangible before you- a love that builds you up and never quits hoping in you. That is a tangible miracle. Lust, though, is a trickster. Wanting and never satisfied if we let it own us.

I pray everyone who takes the time to read this would find love in their life and not be taken away by the draws of this flashy pop culture that has vied for our hearts and minds. I pray they would find healthy love in their friendships and someday a healthy romantic love with the person they choose to take on all of life with.

May you're hearts be satisfied now in this life though, with all the great things and individuals God has placed around you simple and profound that fill the moments of your day.