WHEN SHOULD DREAMS DIE?

I watched a movie today.  In the opening the lady looses her job and get a less than inspiring speach from her mother about her "dreams".   

"When you are 8 and you've got dreams, that's adorable, when you're 18 that's inspiring, but when you're 28, that's just embarrassing...... *pity face* let's just not get to heartbreaking"

My question though is this:  When should a dream die?  I think never.  I think they should change and shift with us in some respects, because as we grown our dreams should as well.  We learn more of our own heart and can better weigh our dreams in light of that but the idea that age should determine your potential  in this world is ridiculous, and the idea that anyone should tell you to quit thinking outside of their self imposed box is even more absurd. 

In this I"m not saying we should negate responsibility to society or family; however, I am saying that  you should not be afraid to  stand out, you should not be afraid to go againSt the grain, and you should  most definitely not be afraid of dreaming a  crazy seeming  dream(regardless of age).  That crazy big dream that seems unfathomable to others might just well end up being the dream that God has for you, but  until you step out in faith you'll never even be able to guess wat what could be or "might have been".   Don't let life pass you by in fear.

On the age note, if God can make a king of Josiah at age 8, use a teenage girl to birth the savior, send Jesus into his minstry at 30, and use  a 90+ something year old to father the nations  then I would have to say   no matter how long or short your time is on this earth never sell yourself short based on  something as simple as "age".   

REACH FOR THE STARS

If you want to be a lawyer go for it (a shot out to my aunt naomi), if you want to be a dance therapist do it, if you wnat to be a stay at home mom   go for it,  If you want to be an author WRITE( a shot out to my cuz), if you want to   tour the world make it happen,  if you want to be missionary in the middle of the amazon PROPS.   

All things are possible to them that believe and to them that are  willing to do whatever it takes/pay the cost.    

ALASKA!

Some snapshots from the most awesome summer of my life! worked at a lodge off the prince of whales island. FANTASTIC! :)

this is a slide show of some OLD and some more recent shots, all before I realy started to think about trying to do photography in MCD. Before then it was just something I did for myself and never thought about. The ones marked 2007 are ones that I tried to sell as a fund raiser for MCD :) and it did help some for the down payment lol. The rest are just life as I know it.

news update/new ommer of manna # I forgot :)

So, the semester ended, I survived!   I didnt' walk due to certain stressors I was uncertain about,   my mom could care less, my dad  has come to expect failure so I'm a joke when it comes to this ( all pressures off, lol)  but ah who cares! I OFFICIALLY HAVE ALL MY CREDITS FOR UNDERGRAD!  :)  and,  I will walk in December FINALLY- seriously, no stress next semester outside of a class I picked up for a minor which is soooo exciting! Also, despite delays and setbacks   I was given permission to take a grad class which I aced :D I even got a little certificate of competency for on scene  mental triage  :)  Crisis Intervention yeah!

Anyways, all that jabber aside  here is the down low of where I'm at and what happened  in my last moments at school this semester.  I'm currently at my dad's house for the summer helping him  take care of my little sister and  his special needs foster kids.     It's kind of nice not to think about homework.

At the end of my stay though I realized that the $1,300 worth of personal items that seemed to walk away from me  this year weren't lost  but rather stolen by the girl across the hall.   GAH!   They weren't legally able to get her for any of my stuff but I KNOW, due to  having caught her with some of the stuff this more than assumptions.  I was actually more sad for her though than anything in the end.   I don't understand how she could cheat all these people  that she was so close to, I don't understand why she would  like she had no other  options, and I realy dont' understand how she could walk out of there looking me in the face and still never be able to tell the truth about any of it all.  She got caught selling books back that other people purchased(such as her roommate and my roommate)  so they finally ended up suspending her for a year.  In the final moments I'm pretty certain  the reason my camera is gone is because she took it at the same time she took my roommates books but that is a lot harder to prove unless i find it on her or it shows up at a pawn shop with her  name signed to it, so alas it is simply put no more in my life.

Yup, that's right  the Nikon D300 with crop lines etched inside, the Nikkor 85mm  F1.4D AF, Nikkor 17-55mm 1:2.8   that I saved up forever to get walked away overnight.  *sigh*  The funny thing is though, aside from feeling a little strained out of my want to do photography, I realy didnt' break down over this.  Yah, I want to do this badly, but I don't need to I guess.  I love it but it's not imperative to life.

Maybe because it was so big I knew I couldn't do anything so I just let it go and let God.     My education is first right now.  Doing weddings was just an idea of how I might be able to start actually paying for it, or starting to pay back my massive students loans for bible college,  but  the reality of all of this is that no matter the "how"  things happen,  life is so much bigger than me   and ultimately the only one bigger than life itself is God.  So, if i'm following Him I believe  I can't get too far off track or too far under ground that God can't  be glorified  and my dreams, His heart, still come to pass in my life.    

Cool story though:  In the middle of all of this out  of no where, about week one into my camera withdraws I got a message from a distant uncle of mine who just happend to have a D5100 laying around that he would mail it my way if I wanted.   It might not have the sen Nikon sor my last camera did but  it is such a huge, awesome, amazing, wonderful,  exciting blessing lol  :)  that  of course I jumped all over that!    *so it's on it's way in the mail*  And, I realy believe it goes to show how faithful God  is.  I'm not a perfect person.  I mess up more often than not most of the time, but somehow in the middle of that I realy feel God  meets me and still pushes and pulls me forward  in His love.   I am amazed, and that is all I can say.    Why would God care about something such as  a picture as much as me?  :)

So, instead of being bitter, I've decided i the midst of turmoil and blessing that I will be faithful with the little and  use the camera I get this summer to practice practice practice and only better myself in what I hope to use someday as something more than a hobby.   Maybe I'll even post some stuff on here later.  Old and new.

An Elaborate but not Exaggerated retelling of the storm that hit Waxahachie :)

So, Sunday night at roughly 1:21am (which i guess is actually monday morning) according to my clock, the world faded to back for me as I closed my eyes and watched the splashes of light from a distant storm fade against my blinds.    

At roughly 1:46 am I shot up in bed.  It's my opinion this was due to some tap on the shoulder by God or  guttural instinct in my subconscious  of what was about to ensue, because at the moment this happened NOTHING had happened yet.   The room was still quiet, and there was a pitter patter against the window from rains first start; however, no more than a minute after I shot up  looking around, disoriented, trying to figure out why I had, the electricity flickered out followed almost simultaneously by the most God awful sound I've heard in a while.   Wind slammed the side of our building and literally sounded like a high pitch howl from a horror film.  The windows began to  shake and shudder, and the emergency exit at the end of our hall began slamming as though someone was trying to rip it off it's hinges.  Almost immediately I ran into the hall to get my RA and see if  they had access to a weather radio.    My first thought was tornado, my second thought was "if this is not it's still  one bad storm".   The hall was flooded with girls because in our hall NO ONE slept through this event.  You see, we live in the ghetto on campus, lol, so it  pretty much sounded like the whole building was going to collapse despite being made of cinder blocks.   At the time there was in fact no radio out, and all we kept hearing was no tornado  warnings were in place.   We stayed in the halls anyways afraid to stay to close to our giant glass windows found in all the rooms.  Finally, about 20 minutes into this  the wind died, the building was still standing, the electricity was till out,  and we made our way back to room to try and rest before school.  It was hard winding down, but the light lighting and thunder  that followed actually helped to lull me off to sleep.   

As morning beat back the dark  and Waxahachie awoke  the dammage from  the night before none of us on campus knew took place  was revealed.  Thankfully no one in our town was hurt due to the storm.  It turned out we were in fact under a tornado warning but no tornado touched down in our town.  The closest any of the tornados got that night was 5 miles  down the road in midlothian, and they were small.  The irony though was this, despite not being hit by a tornado,  the storm that slammed us  at it's highest point  that night  delivered a punch of 95mph straight winds.  These winds ripped into us like any F1 tornado would have but on a wider scale since the winds were not confined to a funnel.   All over town trees were down,   branches scattered, power was out,  windows blown out, roof tops damaged/ torn off, trees on houses,  etc etc etc.  It was quite the sight to see.  Some buildings were even demolished in part.     On campus the only real damage was the roof of our Music Center( where no one was that night)  which looked like someone grabbed the back end of it and tried to roll it back like it was a sardine can as a method of opening it from the top.  

In the end, the storm that the weather service told us might at it's height have winds of 60mph  and hail under an inch in diamater ended up delivering some surprises that night  with golf ball size hail and winds way beyond the predicted speed.  If you pray  sends  shot out for those whose  homes received damages  to their properties and send up a thanks that  deadly potential wrapped up in this story no one was even injured due to it.   

Below I've attached some photos if y'all want to see, God bless!

NEWSJACKPHOTOS/ALL DOWNTOWN WAXAHACHIE

CELLPHONE SHOTS W/IN 2 BLOCKS OF SCHOOL

Omer 6: "My word does not return void" - God

by Melanie Irizarry on Thursday, April 2, 2009 at 11:48pm

So, a few years back I went on a missions trip to Australia. It was more a music ministry trip I guess than anything else. The group of people that went were from all over but we went under Larry Sturm Ministries. We traveled all over the East coast visiting churches, singing, and sharing testimonies. :) God is good! It was quite possibly one of the most amazing times of m spiritual walk with God. I heard Him most clearly in the most unexpected of places at every turn.

While on this trip I remember one day being out on the beach. We were in the Hervey bay area at the time. I remember there was this older man preaching up a storm in a seemingly meaningless area. Who was watching him aside from the hand full of members from his church that were there? Coming from a non christian background this form of communication always kind of erked me. It seemed so impersonal, detached, and I could hardly imagine how standing in the middle of somewhere preaching to the wind really did any good in light of eternity even as a believer. I had always seen the street preacher who preached without actions attached(i.e. feeding the hungry or clothign the poor at the same time) as something rather of a bad stigma for the church.

"They make us look loud, annoying, and unreal." I began to vent in my own self righteous words to God. "why do you let them make such a spectacle?" But somewhere in the middle of all fo this a still small voice spoke up again. It was almost as if God himself tapped me on the shoulder and said TURN AROUND. So, slowly I peered back over my shoulder. "look at them over there" He said, drawing my attention to a bar on the corner. IT was a neat place actually. It was a stone corner building where instead of having windows the whole facility was open with giant cut outs to the beach it faced. It was rather early in the day and they were already tipsy tervy. But, the look in their eyes spoke miles. As I sat there venting inside about how ineffective this type of ministry was God was saying .. "Look, MY WORD DOES NOT RETURN VOID". Every person sitting on the outter stone wall of that bar was glued to what the preacher had to say. Drunk or not they were being impacted and you could see it in their eyes. Even if they didn't drop to their knees that day I knew they had been changed. God's word truly does not return void.

No matter how it is preached know that in and out of season in the most sacred seeming of ways or most mundane of ways, when the word of God is spoken litteraly lives are changed whether we see it with our eyes are not. 

Omer 5: LOVE LETTERS FROM HEAVEN

by Melanie Irizarry on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at 5:19pm

Romans 1:20 "God's invisible qualities—his eternal power and divine nature—have been clearly seen, being understood from what has been made, so that men are without excuse."

Sometimes when I look around me I think I see God. I'm not talking about the anvil that we pray for to fall form the sky sometimes or the miracles that we hear about where someones arm grows back. I'm talking about seeing him in the ordinary every day that we take for granted. I see him in the ocean, trees, the breeze as it touches me , and the sun as it warms my face,-I see God everywhere. He is obviously not the tree and the wind and the sun but his hand is all over this creation that he loves and he is so intimately entwined that very the imprint of his fingers can be found even unto the smallest core of what we know in science today concerning nature and the world around us. God was so personally involved in the creation/is still that we cannot look at it and gain nothing form heaven- even if we don't believe in heaven.

A few years ago though, I came to a point in my life where I struggled with whether or not to continue in the faith or all together say goodbye to that God I had held most dear for so many years. After much conversation with some friends at my first college began to twist and turn with knowledge I was gaining in my classrooms and my view of the world broadened I started to wonder if what seemed to be a driving point for me for many years wasn't all memories induced by an overactive imagination. Was it possible we could find ALL the answers we needed in a test tube? or in a lab? Could I trust something if I couldn't see it, understand it fully, be outside looking in at it? Was experience real? lol... without going in great detail I had many questions. After being scolded for my belief that the universe was older than a few thousand years at a church i all together quit trying to hold the conversation that may have helped. Without going into great detail it would be fair to say that for a short while I became rather agnostic and bordered towards the thought of atheism. I didn't want to let go of God but being real with myself in my heart I really was sure that it was all together possible he did not exist. I got caught up in the now and threw away everything God had brought me through.

Ironically though, one day , while I was sitting in my zoology class going over cladistics I found my self asking many of the same questions of science. I had no more answers on the other side of that line than I did when I had my faith in God concerning the things that were frustrating my mind. Why? There was still a small spark of hope in my heart that I was wrong in where I had found myself I guess. And, that day in the strangest of places I found God again. We were watching a detailed video on, of all things, Evolution and how the world came to be from nothing to something. I thoroughly enjoy this topic honestly and can say that in the middle of this video for whatever reason I saw the hand of God. I came to a point in my life where even if I believed "evolution" occured that at the beginning of it all was definately the God I had come to know and love in my earlier years. He was there burning his mark into the very basic fabric of our existance in genes... in the unexplicable mutations that instead of degrading information advanced life to progress and press through the ages taking it's physical form. I was thoroughly convinced I had found the very finger prints of God as they pressed down into the clay he was forming us from and still was. God truly is wonderful

The honest truth for me today without a huge conversation is that I have found so many holes held so many conversations found so many places to stand and fall in science and logic that my faith is more simple concerning the whys in my faith in God, and while I love entertaining theories of beginnings and knowledge that comes through deep study and testing at the end of my day it no longer will have any effect on my faith in God. When we intentionally remove God there are many plausible ideas that are not necessarily idiocy by academic standards and can come form honest search, but I Know that I KNOW that God has his hands in everything I see around m eand has made himself known in that.

Even the smallest piece of sand is perfect in and of itself. It's structure forged by the very hands of the God who breathed life into me, counted every hair on my head, hung the moon and stars in their place and today answers the cries of his children- Even if we don't always see exactly what we are looking for He is there working.

Omer 4: He is faithful...

by Melanie Irizarry on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at 10:26am

It was Sunday morning, and again the offering bucket was coming around the room, I held in my hand a $20 bill my mom had given me earlier that week. On stage was one of my favorite female evangelists that used to speak at our church. I loved her ministry and her and God and well... it seemed nonsensical to hold onto the money in my hand any longer. No prompting or preaching was needed. I just tossed it in the basket- heart and all. When we love something usually letting go of whatever we have before us is no big deal or if it is a big deal that seemingly big deal pales in comparison to that love and so is overshadowed. Likewise for me, when I was younger any time I had money in my hands it usually went straight into the church. I could think of no better way to spend it for me at the time and I had faith that everything in my life was taken care of. My mom on the other hand was no church goer and faced frustration I apparently was unaware of. Upon returning home that afternoon my mom somehow knew what had happened "where is your $20 I gave you? You threw it in the offering basket? You need to quit giving away the money I give you! You could use it for clothes!" I thought I had a fine enough assortment so that struck me funny, and it made me sad that my mom was angry about it all. I locked myself in the bathroom for a moment and prayed to God. I didnt' know how to respond so I cried and lifted my mix of emotions and thought up to HIM and then prayed for my mom that God would ease whatever it was she was going through".... The next day I went to church again. -yes, we had church every day of the week when we had guest speakers- This time I sat there and listened and didn't toss anything in the basket as it came around. At the end of the service prayer began and the lady who was preaching clutched her microphone pointing to the back of the room. "you " she said. I looked over both of my shoulders to see who she was talking to " you in the red sweat jacket" That would be my signature color and coat at the time so I looked at her " Yes, you... come up here" ... she began to speak words of encouragement over me - mind you I HAD TOLD NO ONE about what happened the night before. She put her hands on me " God sees you and you are soooo beautiful to him... beautiful.... know you are taken care of ... know God LOVES YOU... Know God sees your heart and everything else.... KNOW THIS...YOU ARE BEAUTIFUL " after a moment of praying over me she reached out her hand microphone away from her face and whispered in my ear "God wanted you to have this" as she put WELL over the $20 I had had earlier that week in my hands. "Go get a nice dress at Dillard"

I went home and told my mom all about it. She didn't' get saved that day or anything .... but it was funny that God used the one who usually gets to speak financially into that and my mom was never quite so harsh again on my church choices financially.

You don't give to get ... but don't be afraid to give.

Omer 3: FINANCIAL PROVISION- To England and beyond

by Melanie Irizarry on Saturday, March 28, 2009 at 10:03am

So, it's my junior year of high school and I'm walking through the halls. I see this sign for a trip to England. I have never had the desire before to go in my life and I hear in my heart that familiar voice "You're going to England". This time at the front end instead of questioning it as my overactive imagination though I was like "ok God" ... because in knowing myself I knew very well prior to this I hadn't the slightest desire to go. That night I went home and told my mom and dad "I'm going to England" -lol... them living across the street from one another this year of my life made it possible. After a funny look my moms first question was of course "how are you going to financially? " and my dad followed suit. I hadn't thought about it yet but it didn't bother me so much. When all was said and done the three of us struck a deal. If I got a job and could raise a third of the money needed that summer they would both meet me with a third. I went, I got employed with the YMCA day camp, I conquered. And, then, the twists came. My dad backed out on his end of the deal. He said he thought I wouldn't be able to raise the money.

At this point I thought to myself maybe I got it wrong this time. Maybe I had no idea what the voice of God sounded like in my own heart. So, instead of praying over the matter I said eh... forget it... and went out and bought my first guitar with the money I saved up.

England kept playing through my heart the entirety of my senior year though. Go Go Go.... I had no idea how though. In the latter half I learned about an organization that did missions with youth called AIM, and on 3 separate occasions the England/Ireland trip was presented to me. Finally after the third time I said ok... maybe this is what God meant by "your going to England" after all, I had imagined myself sharing Jesus with people even on the academic tour.... :) missions it is God! A month before all the moneys would be due I applied for this trip. I was accepted onto the team... not only that, but the day they called me to let me know they also informed me they had split the team into 2 teams, one was for England and one was for Ireland, and I was placed without my own hands involved on the England team.

How would the money come now was the questions. And, I have no other explanation but God. In my small church on the first day that I had a little cup set up to receive money with my youth leader helping me we raised over half the money. Most of the money came in really quick. I was also given gift cards to get what I needed for the trip such as clothes etc. On the last day though when all the money was due I was still short. NO ONE in the church knew how much I had or needed. NO ONE. I walked into a backroom and said "God you've taken me this far I KNOW you will take me the rest of the way if you want me to go and I give it up to you". A few minutes late my youth leader walked in and said one of the older ladies from our church asked her to hold me at the church because she had to do something. This older lady went home and came back with a check for me. She said God had told her to do it a while ago but at that moment she felt the urgency. SWEET RIGHT? to top it off I thought she gave me more than I needed for the trip but upon recalculating everything together it turns out my first math was wrong and that final check she wrote with no knowledge of the need was to the exact penny what I needed to turn in the rest of my money for the trip that day. GOD DOES PROVIDE.

Omer 2: PEACE

by Melanie Irizarry on Friday, March 27, 2009 at 11:44pm

Fast forward a few years now, 2 to be precise, after the first time I KNEW God was in my life, and another pivotal moment for me emerges amidst the chaos. My once frustration was bordering towards an angry feeling in my prayers when the stress of home life began to effect my relationship with my friends. The day before I had my best girlfriend over . Her and I were in the garage and long story short I ended up having go chase her down the street and comfort her at a near by friends house after she witnessed my stepdad throw me. When the sirens came down my street I knew where they were headed so I then left her there to make sure all was ok at my house. My once strong demeanor slouched a little following this as her face replayed back through my mind over and over that night when I tried to sleep. Things weren't ok. How do I process this?

The next night I was in a truck with some friends after service. They took me home but before i could get out of the truck I broke down and asked them to pray for my family and for me. I told them everything and they didnt' know what to do but pray. .... They prayed for me that God would bring that peace.

An hour or so later i was in my room. I felt like in my heart God was saying "READ MICAH" I had no idea of that was even a book in the bible so I chalked this inkling of a specific demand up to an overactive imagination. This word came to me again and again though throughout the night until finally I said ... OK... I'll go ahead and flip it open to see if this is even a legit idea. The only place I had heard the name Micah at that point was in regards to a kid in my algebra class. Sure enough when I opened the bible I opened directly to the book of Micah. I went ahead and read. At fist I dint' have a clue as to why God would want me to open to this page if in fact I even was hearing his voice..... but then all of the sudden as I read it was like an entire line jumped off the page "HE WILL BE THEIR PEACE" - Micah 5:5. A peace cme over me and I knew in a moment everything I needed to. It wasn't about finding eace in my life in the outward things. IT was never about that. God never promised us that if we accepted him that everything would begin to function to our desired specifications in the world around us but rather that in the good and bad we could have peace in knowing HE IS WITH US. The peace I felt I was lacking was only lacking because I was looking to an external environment that was wrecked to give me what only God in my heart could give me. HE IS MY PEACE, HE IS MY ROCK, HES IS MY REFUGE IN THE MIDST OF THE STORY.

GOD IS OUR PEACE.

This truth carried me many years without even allowing room for a question or a faltering eye. I KNEW God was never far off.


And the truth is even today is not. 

Omer 1: The onset of my testimony in Christ

by Melanie Irizarry on Friday, March 27, 2009 at 11:12pm

It was Easter Sunday of my 9th grade year in high school. I was in the backroom at my house and my mom and step dad were fighting as always. I stood there in the room contemplating life and what it was worth. I was never a particularly depressed individual but things were just so overwhelming that if there was no "reason" or a hand I could believe in from God somehow intimately intertwined in my life I didn't know how much farther I wanted this to let things go. The night before I had even run away;however, I found myself dragged back in the middle of the night not by hands but by the sound of my step dad yelling at my mom as she frantically looked for me in the middle of the street. I came out of the abandoned house I had found a few hours of sleep in to save my mom from anymore pain. Running away was no longer an option. So in the back room I prayed "God if you are there I NEED TO KNOW NOW" . I was about to say "so I know life is worth living" as I eyed the knife I had in the back room but before I could even take it so far my mom opened the back door. My mom and stepdad stopped fighting long enough to answer the phone and toss it in the room with me. My friend Esther was on the other end of the phone. She has been at church that day and experienced the power of God like never before. She and I both "believed" at that time in a God somewhere there... but it was more of the far off God. The person on the other end of the phone that I KNEW was somehow different. She kept going on and on and on about how SHE KNEW she was not alone anymore. SHE KNEW God was right there with her. SHE FELT his hands in her heart... SHE FELT GOD in the deepest part of her soul where it's just you .. in that place she found God with her, and it was like SHE KNEW for the first time ever SHE WAS NOT ALONE. After listening to her story of what God did that day in church I concluded for myself that there was no other explanation for this timely even then God himself answering my heart. I didn't fall out in the Holy Spirit in that moment or have some major life altering experience I could convey but the faith that was birthed then sealed the rest of my years. I believed in on just any God in that moment but the God of the bible and all that came with that, and I KNEW I was not alone even if i didn't understand anything around me I knew that now. 

Omer of Manna Revisited...

A while back on Facebook I started a project where I was going to start collecting and posting stories  about things that had happened in my life, God had done/and or spoken over/to me.   I've decided as of today I'm going to  revisit that.  First of all by posting  the initial testimonies, and secondly by  creating new entries over the course of the rest of this year.   I hope this blesses someone.  At minimum I know it will help me to remember God's goodness and the reality of His hand in my life.

 The idea of the title Omer of Manna  comes for God telling Aaron to set back an omer of manna  in a jar in the holy place for future generations.   We are a forgetful people if we don't  set back stories, mementos, or build altars in our life where God  so evidently reached in and touched us-like  they did with the stones from the middle of the jordan as they miraculously crossed it-sometimes we can get so caught up in what the moment    spills on us that we forget we ever realy KNEW God's hand in our life to begin with.  It's not because the past moments in our lives where they intersected with the divine are any less relevant, but because we become so caught up with a finite piece of a much bigger pictures  that we are consumed and shaken by what we see rather than having faith, resting and knowing that the same God who  met us at our point of need a year ago or  a day ago is still right there with us in the middle of the storms of life and has the best outcome in mind for us if we will hold onto him through the fire.

This world is temporal, but God's  sight stretches beyond the finite and into what  we cannot even fathom.  Rest and know that He is a good God.

A brilliant retelling of a childhood fable...

:) This is one of my favorite groups! Mewithoutyou. They did a song a while back called The Fox, The Crow And The Cookie which is a brilliant retelling in song of classic child's fable. It's at least worth reading the lyrics(the end being my particular favorite) and I've attached the video here too which is realy well done in an artsy fartsy way:





Through mostly vacant streets a Baker from the outskirts of his town earned his living peddling sweets from a ragged cart he dragged around.
The clever Fox crept close behind, kept an ever watchful eye for a chance to steal a Ginger spicecake or a Boysenberry pie.

Looking down was the hungry Crow:
When the time is right I'll strike and condescend to the earth below and take whichever treat I like!
The moment the Baker turned around to shoo the Fox off from his cart, the Crow swooped down and snatched a shortbread cookie and a German chocolate tart.
Using most unfriendly words that the village children had not yet heard, the Baker shouted threats by Canzonet to curse the crafty bird:
You rotten wooden mixing spoon!
Why, you midnight winged raccoon!
You'd better bring those pastries back, you no good, burnt-black-macaroon!!!

The Fox approached the tree where the bird was perched, delighted, in his nest:
Brother Crow, don't you remember me?
It's your old friend Fox with a humble request.
If you could share just a modest piece, seeing as I distracted that awful man...
This failed to persuade the Crow in the least, so the Fox rethought his plan:
Then, if your lovely song would grace my ears, or, to even hear you speak would ease my pains and fears.
The Crow looked down with the candy in his beak.
Your poems of wisdom, my Good Crow, what a paradise they bring!
This flattery pleased the proud bird so, he opened his mouth and began to sing:
Your subtle acclamation's true, best to give praise where praise is due.
Every Rook and Jay in the Corvidae has been Raven about me too!
They admire me, one and all... must be the passion in my 'Caw', my slender bill, known through the Escadrille, my fierce, commanding claw...

[the cookie drops, Fox retrieves it -- there is commotion in the town as the Baker gives chase. Crow is humiliated, realizes he's been tricked, continues his song]

Ah, I've got a Walnut-brownie-brain and Molasses in my veins, crushed graham cracker crust, my powdered Sugar funnelcake cocaine.
Let the Crescent Cookie rise!
These Carob-colored Almond eyes would rest to see my Cashew Princess in the Swirling Marble Sky.
We'll rest upon the Knee where all divisions cease to be and rootbeer float in our Banana Boat across the Tapioca Sea.
When letting all attachments go is the only prayer we know.
May it be so, may it be so, may it be so, oh...
Amen

where was I when they divvied out talents in heaven? lol

This is a relatively old video of a "child prodigy"  there are a lot of newer videos out there with recent interviews but none of them had the clarity  of this one and i realy wanted anyone who looked at this to be able to see her art.  The paintings and detail are incredible.    She began sketching at age 4 and had finished a painting masterpiece by age 8 since then she has painted hundreds!

&

Church, Starbucks, Divine Appointments, and Exploding Burritos

Today, in the few hours I have been awake has been one of the best days of my week so far.  I have had many interesting conversations mind you all week long and learned a number of  life stories that blew my mind, but today for whatever reason  has been the best.  Maybe it's because my story starts and ends in a Starbucks, where I am currently blogging from.  

Sunday is the day to do "The Buck"  (my pet name for Starbucks).    My day started with my RA knocking ever so sweetly on my door to wake me for church, since I had overslept!  ahhhhh.   lol.  I decided then, half way to church that today I would bless God over coffee instead of in a congregation.   It was more of a thought  with no serious intent to it other than the caffeine fix I so desperately needed after having been up much later than anticipated.   Whose lovely face do I see when I walk in?  The owner of Zulas! I find it amazingly sweet that the owner of our very own favorite coffee shop  can be found in Starbucks every sunday when her store is closed.  I guess this goes to show, you have to take time to be served as well.   We chatted it up for a while about life stuff and she just realy was an encouragement to me in the moment-a breathe of fresh air. Following this I got my java but before I could even open my laptop who do I see but Lindsey!    One of the most beautiful smiling faces on the planet and I hadn't seen her in almost a year!      We sit down, chat it up, and have meaningful conversation on everything from the  church(in general) to the birthing process and exploding burritos(something you do not want to know the meaning behind!).  We are back in touch and  I have to say I can't help but feel this was a little God sendin the middle of my day despite the late start.  Sometimes, good things come to those who go to Starbucks :)

Lol, as a matter of fact, maybe they come in general to those who take the time of day out needed for a good cup of coffee.  I went to Zulas the other day to say hi to a friend at work and wound up with a free drink,   free cake for like 50 people(which the guys in the dorm demolished late), and the chance to dabble on a complete strangers guitar- all because I happened upon someones 80th birthday.  

Anyways, life is good.    Hope anyone who takes the time out to read this also takes time out sometime in their week just to breath in and take in some  simple joys. 

Ray Cat

This is Ray the cat.  I am actually a dog person for the most part and not a cat person , though my love for all things fluffy makes me go mush for felines as well.  The thing about Ray here though is that He thinks he is  a dog.  Hands down the coolest cat I ever did meet, so I had to take picture to commemorate the occasion.

a year in pics

:) This is actually something I made up about 2 years ago now from my final year in MCD/OSL , all snapshots I took throughout the year, and it made my day to run across it. It's funny how even when you go for so long without seeing certain people something as simple as a picture can bring back the moments and emotions as though they are current. Heart prints go deep into the soul.

Love vs. Lust: a discussion

I've had many a conversation of late on love and lust and the likes; so , as my over analytical self usually does I spend time grappling, even long after the dialog, to come to my own sorted out conclusions or lack of conclusions. This post is a mixture of both open ends and some definitive views. I hope it tickles your thinker just a bit:  

It's funny to me that someone can say I love you to a friend, I love you to a lover, and I love you in the same breath to their burrito. I for one am definitely an over user of the word love.  Lol.  I LOVE THE MOVIE IS SAW LAST NIGHT etc. I use the word love to talk about anything I'm passionate about or anyone I would lay down my life for like a friend or one day *crosses her fingers* a significant other.

Some people would say this is a gross overuse of the word and we should be so much more careful with the word love. I say it's actually due to the inadequacies of the English language to further elaborate on the types of love. Hebrew and Greek for instance has various words, which within them selves specify what type of love they are implying.  i.e.  in Hebrew you have ahab (spontaneous, impulsive love), raham(to have compassion, brotherly love), and hesed(deliberate choice of affection and kindness). While in Greek you have eros(sensual, sexual, impulsive), philia(friend spouse children), and agape(love of God).  In the English language we have the one word LOVE and then it's up to us whether or not to clarify why we used it with contextual clues. I think who we use it towards or what in some ways sorts it out but sometimes this simply is not the case as much as we want it to be and a cloud of confusions settles around us as a result.

Now, on to “the question,” what is love (defined)?

Really, love is many things, as shown above. The question I would pose back to this question would be what type of love are you referring to. The obvious answer would be romantic love. It's that love we all hope for in our hearts. The love where "you complete me (jerry McGuire)" comes to life and we feel our world is now made whole with their presence. Even the bitter cynic who says they want nothing to do with this, it's all an illusion, lies. They were probably just hurt one so many times in their past attempting to give and receive this type of love that they found themselves hardened to the concept by scars that have entrenched their soul.

Now, as big of a romantic as I am despite the many things I’ve experienced in my life, my answer for what is love is less than the mystical thing we make it out to be sometimes. While I believe in physical attraction, and even hope than when I finally meet that guy that I spend the rest of my life with I can say "I just knew deep down in my soul you were the one for me," love... real love... is effort. It's a choice to hang in there. It's not the magic wedding day we build up to. It's not how he made us feel when he gave us flowers or she made us feel when she wrapped her arm around us (for the guys). It's effort, it's time. People are constantly in the progress of growing and changing. No matter who you are, where your from, or how much you think you know you now,  in each moment of each day we are here pieces of us die and pieces of us are born. Each day you become a new you. There is a core that remains in tact but overall change is unavoidable in life, therefore true love must be  a progressive work as well in order to endure.   

The trick isn't just to find someone you have everything in common with or was born in the same world as you, how limiting would that be to your experiences in life?  It’s also not finding someone who likes a moment or night out with you or someone you find incredibly hot in the sack, its finding someone you know you can grow and change with, someone you can experience life with at every curve and flip and who is willing to take that journey with you no matter what. We all have our ups and downs as we press on. That is the person you want by your side.

So many marriages fail today because people don't realize that high they experienced a month or a year ago isn't the reality of every waking moment. Sometimes you will argue with the one you love. It's necessary for both of you to keep each other in check and to grow. Love isn't that person who never dares to have a conflicting viewpoint, it's  that someone who when they do have it can love you anyways and whose heart always beats for your betterment and vise versa.

True love always hopes, true love never keeps a record of wrongs, true love is not envious, does not boast, true love as in the type one would find in God's word (1cor 13) is amazing not only because it meets some idealic seeming standard but because it is a love that enables motion and is not self seeking but rather light handed and ever strengthening the other who is being loved. If both people in a relationship can grasp this there is no limit to how amazing their life even in the midst of the mundane can be. Sometimes it's the little moments in life, the silent times not demanding of huge effort that penetrate the soul in ways we didn't know it could be.

In the cheesy words of dc talk "Love is a verb" ... I can't see it any other way.

Lust, tries to persuade us though, to listen to her as though she is love. We think because of a physical connection we have with someone “it must be love”.   We have this idea  that physical attraction is THE key factor to love and we must be able to feel as though they will be able to meet every one of our selfish sexual needs (which they never will... law of diminishing returns) in order for it to be love, and it’s  a sad stat of affairs.  The fact is, while physical attraction is important on some level it should never be the foundation upon which everything is built, and then we up the ante further by equating love now not only with the above but also with someone’s ability to give us a great orgasm or make us feel like we are 10x hotter than we thought we were when we looked in the mirror that morning because they are by our side. This, my friend, is not love.

Eventually your sex drive will fizzle and your appendages grow weak. Eventually you will wither and die and long before that point if you don't go out due to heart failure having sex you will no longer be able to have it as you one did. One would hope this is nowhere in the near future and not where you spend most of your life but it's a fact inescapable. Lust is not love and all who take her hand as such will one day be disappointed greatly.

You're ability to be able to feel the chemical rush that leaves you high and feeling some innate connection after a sexual act is not the real act of LOVING SOMEONE or BEING LOVED. It can be a way of expressing love but it is not the real thing in itself.   It's a high that leaves you incomplete lacking and coming back for more and more and more and more to relive that moment but that moment is not the definition of love or your connection with that person in life outside of the bedroom. It is a fractured concept. This may be why aside from financial issues one of the number one thing married people argue about that leads do divorce is sexual appetites.

I also think this is why (side note) so many people entrench their identity so deeply within whatever gender they choose to be physically active with in the bedroom. The truth is it leaves the gay, straight, and lesbian just as lacking as one the other at the end of the day though because again lust is not where we find ourselves fulfilled in true to the depths of who we are. God has so much more for the children he loves so dearly. Don't get me wrong... SEX IS AMAZING :), but It shouldn't be the definitive aspect of everything else around us. And, call me old fashioned but I believe that we should reserve it for our partner for life. Sex can be a unifying force. It can be something helpful in a relationship that strengthens two peoples bonds and is just plain fun to have, but it should not be the pivot on which everything else is found.

There is definitely a difference between love and lust. Love is not all-illusive and mystical force as we make it seem’ however, on an up note to this seeming bubble buster of a view, I truly am a romantic who believes it is as wonderful as the illusive mystical force we create in our minds. Imagine finding something once put out there as so intangible now tangible before you- a love that builds you up and never quits hoping in you. That is a tangible miracle. Lust, though, is a trickster. Wanting and never satisfied if we let it own us.

I pray everyone who takes the time to read this would find love in their life and not be taken away by the draws of this flashy pop culture that has vied for our hearts and minds. I pray they would find healthy love in their friendships and someday a healthy romantic love with the person they choose to take on all of life with.

May you're hearts be satisfied now in this life though, with all the great things and individuals God has placed around you simple and profound that fill the moments of your day.